I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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