Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
