I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
