My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
