mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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