I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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