my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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