I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
