Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
