dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
