What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
ugly people sure do ruin things
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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