the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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