Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
