A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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