Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize