Well apparently he's into motor boating.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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