Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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