i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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