I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
