You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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