So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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