Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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