i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
