I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
