And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
