apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
