Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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