you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
