in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
