Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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