I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
