the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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