i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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