yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
As shirtless as possible
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
