i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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