what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
