I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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