Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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