that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
