Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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