I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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