we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This is classic penis vs brain.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
