Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize