conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
whose ass print is on the piano?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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