just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
