Someone shit on the floor
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
