Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
