i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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