Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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