yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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