We need to rekindle our bromance
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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