Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
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