My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
