he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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