you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
