im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
