guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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