He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
