god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My breasts were aching with rage.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
