I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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