This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
