We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
