**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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