Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
