Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
