Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i drank out of a bidet.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
