hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
