what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
