after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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