she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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