Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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