I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
