Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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