Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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