I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
