Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize