Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
