My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
