im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
