hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
