Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
This house was built for laser tag.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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