I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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