I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
