So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
