ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
COCAINE IS GR8
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
