I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
