to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize