Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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