if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
