We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
