the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
