i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize