Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
