Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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