she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
