I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
