someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
