did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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