Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Girls should come with a carfax report
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
