We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
