y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
